Smart Reviews From Stupid Celebrities: ‘300: Rise Of An Empire’

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300

It’s been a long time since the last installment.  I struggled to recall what happened in the first one. All I could remember were ripped abs and hard bods. I’m sure all the ladies know what I’m talking about! But don’t worry, the director Noam Murro brings you up to speed.

This time around, the film was offered in 3D. I don’t have to tell you how amazing that played out. Every single drop of blood splatters across my glasses. Yes, this flick was not short on gore. Not at all. In fact, it’s very violent. Consider this a warning. Ok, I’m going to say it, like all sequels, this one didn’t live up to the first one. I’m not saying it’s bad. It’s just different. It’s not as heroic as the army King Leonidas led to battle the Persians.

‘300: Rise of an Empire’ gives us a different angle of the war. King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) defended his country on land. General Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton) takes it to the Aegean Sea. He leads his army to fight off the Persian navy led by Artemisia (Eva Green). She’s hell-bent on taking down Greece. And apparently willing to do anything to make that happen. She even goes as far as using her body to seduce General Themistokles. The raw chemistry between the two of them was undeniable. It was worthy of a chapter in ‘Fifty Shades of Grey!’ That scene was worth the price of admission. It brings “sleeping with the enemy” to a whole new level.

I have to say, the plot is a bit on the weak side. It did however, shed some light on how Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) became a God-King. And why Artemisia abandoned her Greek heritage to join the Persian navy. But you’re not really into all that. You’re really looking for all the action. Right? And yes, the trademark “one leg kick” is back! You know, when King Leonidas shouted “this is Sparta!” This movie didn’t disappoint. Most of the battle scenes were spectacular and in slow-mo of course.  So, who needs a storyline? What more can you ask for? Sex and violence? Check! It’s pure entertainment!

In the end, the war rages on. Yes my friends, there will be another film following this one. It’s not over. Let’s hope we don’t have to wait another eight years for it.

Catch all the violence you can handle on March 7 when it rolls out into your neighborhood theater. Runs 102 min. Rated R.

 

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